I’m in the process of reading a very insightful book entitled “ What happened to you?” Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing.” It’s written by Bruce D. Perry, M.D, Ph.D. and Oprah Winfrey, if you’re interested in learning more after this hopefully ‘worth-the-read’ blog 🙂.
There are two quotes I’m going to pull out from the book because I want to share my thoughts on them:
- “[...] One of the central problems in our society [is] we have too many parents caring for children with inadequate support. The result is what you would expect. An overwhelmed, exhausted, dysregulated parent [who] will have a hard time regulating a child consistently” - Dr. Perry (page 55)
Huh…doesn’t that also sound remarkably similar to being an educator these days? Change the words ‘society’ to ‘education system’ and parent to ‘teacher’, and we could be talking about a day in our classroom: a day that leaves us depleted, running on the dregs of our 2nd or 3rd Venti Americano of the day, and pushing physical exercise right off our after-school schedule. Ain’t nobody tryna add the physical torture of burpees to the equation, after dealing with Tommy or Tammy flipping a switch in class. Though to complete the stress cycle, we probably should hit the gym after work. But more on that later.
2. “ The hypervigilance of a [child] living with domestic violence scanning [his/ her] home for any sign of threat is very adaptive; in a classroom, this can prevent the child from paying attention to the teacher and result in the child being labeled with attention deficit disorder (ADHD) which is maladaptive.” - Dr. Perry (pages 55-56)
Okay, makes sense.The child is constantly looking out for danger and therefore, is in a state of hyper-vigilance. I’m not overlooking this fact, but I’m considering another: Aren’t educators also doing the same? Personally, I can say that I constantly scan my classroom for any signs of conflict or disruptive behavior. I too, am hypervigilant, and possibly not as focused as I should be. And you know what? It is both mentally and physically exhausting.
And as educators, we get the talk that ‘it just comes with the territory’. Or if someone decides to live dangerously, they may even go as far as to say our classroom management skills need work. (Hold yourself back. On our salary, we can’t afford bail money.)
But as I continue to read this book, it begs the question: “How can I, as an educator, calm a child in fight-or-flight mode, when I myself, am dysregulated and hypervigilant?”
It’s not a selfish question if you think about it in terms of what we hear every time we get on an airplane: Put your oxygen mask on first, before assisting someone else/ a child with his/ hers. So I loosely translate this line of reasoning into some questions and considerations for you:
- Have you been traumatized as an educator?
- Have you identified your experience(s) as trauma?
- What have you done to restore balance? (Because as Dr Perry also states: “Balance is the core of health.”, page 48.)
The book also points out that when exposed to unpredictable or extreme stress humans may become dysregulated, so my final two questions are:
4. Do you recognize the signs/ symptoms of being dysregulated?
5. Are you using toxic/ destructive habits to get back to a state of regulation?
The best way to reflect is with some guidance so I’ll use my own experience to answer the questions:
Yes, in my close to 20+ years of teaching experience I have been traumatized by students disrespecting me in front of the entire class, witnessing fights happening in front of me and being close to helpless to intervene, being shouted at/ accused by a colleague of either doing/ not doing something.
2. I didn’t always recognize my experience as trauma. In my earlier years, I couldn’t understand why when a student of mine was violently killed, why I couldn’t sleep for nights afterwards. I kept seeing his face… wondering what we, as a school community, could have done differently. Family and friends were telling me to ‘Just get over it’, ‘Why is that bothering you?’ , ‘It’s not even your child!’
3. Yes, sometimes, we don’t realize our experience is valid and it’s traumatic. For the situation above, it’s actually called secondary trauma. And as any devoted teacher will retort: “Don’t tell me it’s not my child. He/ She is my student and that means something to me.”
Or maybe, ahem…this one is more touchy to talk about: a colleague/ manager can leave you traumatized. You submit a report, you complete a task and they smile in your face, accept it and then rip it apart to anyone who gives them a listening ear or worse, submit said report to their manager, as a sign of your incompetence.
Now some may be bold enough to face it head on and call out the hypocrisy, but working with someone, or for someone who constantly undermines you, can make coming to work harrowing, extremely stressful and in short, trauma-inducing.
I tried to restore balance by ‘completing the cycle’, a term made popular by the book:
“Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle.” by Emily & Amelia Nagoski (2019).
I tried HIIT workouts after work, to ‘dump the stress’ and I attempted Mindful Meditation.When it got really bad, I went to a psychiatrist and did Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) with a clinical psychologist, who frankly, changed my life.
I didn’t always recognize when I was dysregulated (hence the need to call in the professionals). All I knew was that I was suffering from brain fog, a state where I couldn’t string a sentence together properly. I was also dissociative when driving, i.e. reaching a destination without remembering anything along the route because I was so blanked out in my own head. My brain had gone into self-preservation mode without asking my permission. It was overwhelmed, so it shut itself down as a safety measure. Auto-pilot engaged.
The more uncomfortable symptoms were easier to identify: stressing the night before I had to teach a difficult class (insomnia and disrupted sleep pattern), having a panic attack during the day that I had said class (racing heart, tightened chest, sweaty palms and a desire to just flee home to pull the sheet over my head in bed. A powerful urge to just..feel..safe.)
Destructive habits that I used to regulate over the years, aren’t something I’m proud to share. But did I ever unwind with too much wine/ alcohol? Yes. While I didn’t resort to illicit or illegal drugs, I realized that popping Xanax before facing a tough class is not a good habit to develop. While I have a prescription for it, it remains a controlled drug and can be addictive. I watched a video of a teacher on YouTube who did the same thing and I’m proud that she took the steps to safeguard her mental health. I’ve had to do the same myself and believe me, it’s not an easy journey. Getting on the healthy path takes time and discipline.
It doesn’t always have to be as dire as alcohol/ drugs/ reckless sex (yes, this can also be a destructive habit). Sometimes just reaching for that extra salty bag of chips, popping that butter-lover's popcorn or digging into that extra rich and creamy ice cream can be indicators that part of you is hurting/ seeking solace. Hence they’re called comfort foods. They make you feel better…until they don’t. The guilt kicks in soon after; or your blood sugar sky-rockets, along with your blood pressure…and then suddenly, you’re diagnosed with fatty liver disease (yes, it’s on the rise and a precursor to diabetes).
But don’t despair, my dear readers! We, at 21st Educators, are going to do our best to give you some handy tips to work through the trauma you may experience on a daily basis. Before we do though, we need you to sit, take some time to reflect on the 5 questions asked in this blog. Verbalize your responses, feel free to share it with us or write it out in a nifty journal (we’re pretty sure you have) for your eyes only. The first step to healing trauma is accepting it for what it is. Validate your experience because it AND you, matter.