Over the last few months, we’ve covered some big topics in Education and we understand it’s a lot to take in. We’ve focused on how to make ourselves better as educators, but surely we know that’s just one of our roles and not our entire identity, right?
Truth be told, sometimes along the way, the other roles get pushed to the side: taking an elderly parent to the doctor has to work around your schedule; your children have to eat fast food because you have papers to grade, a report to finish or a clinical supervision to prepare for. Education can be an all-consuming profession, and the dark side is, the more you give to it, the more it demands.
Don’t get me wrong. I love what I do and I’m sure you do too, but we have to guard against letting our jobs rule our lives.
So, let’s break it down quite simply, with the acronym R.O.L.E.
R: Face Reality:
As Dr. Brad Johnson reminds us:
“Teachers, if you need some perspective on your work/life balance, just remember if something happened to you, you would be replaced quickly at work, but you are irreplaceable to your family and friends.”
That is, sadly, the reality. You are not indispensable at your job. If you’re out as an educator, the Teaching Service Commission will fill your post. There’s no year of mourning, your family/ colleagues will pack up your belongings in a box, and the desk you decorated as yours, will be bare and ready for the incoming replacement. I don’t mean to be brutal but you have to face the harsh reality that you HAVE a job, but you ARE NOT the job.
O: Establish an Order
Once you’ve accepted that teaching is just one of the roles you’re playing, it’s time to determine what the others are: mother, father, son, daughter, husband, wife, friend, colleague, citizen (you get my point).
You can list the roles in your life, from most to least important, or use concentric circles of relationships (a method I’m fond of) to remind yourself of who/ what should come first.
Image sourced from: JMR Counseling: Personal Boundaries, Relationship Levels, and Circles of Intimacy
Start at the center and move outwards. It shouldn’t surprise you that the most important relationship should be with yourself. And note that between each circle, there’s a boundary that prevents overlap/ mixing. Are you clear on what those boundaries are? Take some time to reflect, and if necessary, establish what they are.
L: Know your Limits
Educators are creatives, we’re always coming up with ideas as to how to make things better. We tweak a project, find a way to use realia in our lessons, run extracurricular clubs, organize field trips for our students and basically, burn EVERY last drop of the midnight oil. Why? Because we’re always thinking ‘It’s for the students’. We can always push the limit just a teeny tiny bit more! When the reality is, we really just don’t know how/ when to stop.
Even financial constraints don’t stop us. Our salaries are done by the 2nd week of the month, but we still fork out lunch money for a student if he/ she needs it. Sports day is coming up, so we buy ice, water, make sandwiches and buy fruits. Just so it can be a funday! We’re taking care of our kids, that’s all that matters, right?
I’m not against this practice because I’m as guilty of it as the rest of you are. I’m also well aware that “No” is like a curse word for us. How dare it cross our minds, much less our lips!
Still, my point is this: For 21st Century Educators, “NO” has to become the ‘full and complete sentence that it is.’ If we can’t find a way to start saying it, we’re going to find ourselves overwhelmed and severely burdened. It’s like they say, ‘What’s the reward for good work?’ Answer: More work.”
E- Accept Errors
We’re not infallible, even with AI at our fingertips. Sometimes we try a new tech tool and it’s a disaster. We tweak a lesson and it all goes haywire. As educators. We know that this just means, as we say in the Caribbean, ‘wheel and come again’.
But do we know that this applies to life in general, as well? Or do we beat ourselves up for forgetting the day of our child’s recital/ spouse’s important meeting?
Stop listening to the inner critic in your head, who says ‘You see? You can’t get anything right!” NO. Learn to silence it and show some self-compassion instead.
Cut yourself some slack. You’re not a programmable machine and you’re bound to make mistakes from time to time. As the popular Alexander Pope quote goes: “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” And in this case, we’re talking about self-forgiveness first.
After you forgive yourself, make amends where needed and then move on. Lose the guilt, the shame and the pain. Errors are built into life for us to learn simple, yet valuable lessons. So just take the key points from the experience (aka the Cliffs Notes version) and keep going.
So in closing, I’d like to encourage you to know your R.O.L.E. Take that much needed mental day, attend to that persistent cough, rest your spasming back and stop leaving X-rays, check ups and doctor visits until July / August when school’s out. Make yourself your own priority, because trust me, no one else will.